The Dropped Salad Diaries.

I don’t mind being hated for something I have done, actions cause reactions and all of that guff.

But what I really get angry about is being hated for something I didn’t do.

But people will believe what they want to.

Ho hum.

You know sometimes you just look at something and think "Oh shit" because for some reason, you just see it going horribly wrong?

You think, "Please don't do what I think you might end up doing" but you have no reason to think anything bad is going to happen....but.....you just have a feeling?

Just had one.

I hope I am wrong.

I should be able to be angry with her. But I can’t maintain it for any length of time.

So instead of being able to block out thoughts and stop wondering how she is, if she is ok or dwelling on how much I miss talking to her, they just pop into my head randomly.

Very inconvenient.

If I could build up the anger I felt a couple of hours after she put the phone down on me I would have no problem. But it only ever comes back in little bursts. I have to work at it.

And if you have to work at being angry, you are not angry at all really.

Words.
Simple noises.
Spat in anger against the back of teeth clenched in fury.
Growled softly into a willing ear as sharp nails rake passionate flesh.
Typed down wires late into the morning in hope and with longing.
Said with sincerity in the moment but rendered down to lies in time.
there it is.
Words, so simple.

Remember,

No matter how crap today gets - at least it is not Monday.

I am totally fucked off with the amount of "Charity Muggers" in London - those smiling shiney happy goons with clipboards that pepper the streets round here, trying to way-lay you with a cheery hello and a false smile.

I expect that once I pass through the foyer of my office that I will be safe from these annoying pests....but no. Not today matey.

Because for some daft reason, our company has let a couple of Charity Highwaymen to set up a little stall in the first floor foyer and pester us as we go to and come back from lunch!

FUCK RIGHT OFF YOU CUNTS!

I have nothing against giving to charities and have done so on quite a few occasions BUT I WILL CHOOSE WHEN AND HOW I DO IT THANKS!

I think our employers are taking the piss.

Even after a fantastic weekend, I am still having major “Meh” attacks when thinking about blogging.

Recent events have just made me think,

“Why do I do this?”

“Who am I doing this for?”

And also made me question what I am doing every time I go near a keyboard…

“What is this for? Why bother?”

Even the “other fella” has this problem. But I believe he also had a top weekend, even though writing about it is seeming to be a bit of a problem.

Still.

I am sure it will pass and my normal cynical bitter ranting can resume on here with all due dispatch.

In other news, I have the new CD by Heaven & Hell playing in my ears at the moment. It is not bad, but may take a few listens to really hook me. If it does of course. After this I may give the Crucified Barbara CD a spin.

Another day hard at work.

It depresses me, being here.

It is good to see Sarah and take her to and bring her back from brownies but being here is horrible now.

Hate it.

Yes I have to pack up my stuff and get it out.

Yes I have to sort through things and it has to be done but....

Urgh.

But Sarah will be back soon and at some time around nine or half past QM will come and pick me and the stuff I have packed and take me to the place I call home now.

The place I feel comfortable in.

The place I feel loved in.

In the words of Raging Slab "I wish I was anywhere but here".

meh.

Do you think smiles make people look younger or older?

I mean the scrunch up your face and make you look odd.

I nearly bumped into a woman a couple of months ago as I came round a corner in the office, I said sorry and glanced at her as we passed – she was smiling. I saw her again around the office the next day and was surprised that she looked much older than I remembered her looking. Then I realised that it was because she was not smiling.

The anti ageing effect of her smile was confirmed today when I walked past and saw her smile again, she does look younger.

I don’t know if it has that effect on me.

I don’t smile quite as much as I used to.

Do you think (or has anyone told you) you look younger when you smile?

And why do we pull such an odd expression when we are happy?

What sort of idiot would have "Racing stripes" on a SMART CAR!

An idiot who drives in central London obviously.

Twat.